Make that "Unsociable Nerd"

In my last entry I proudly proclaimed my nerdiness in a poetic explanation of the secrets and wonders of the Hebrew language.  I'm nearly positive that the only thing that could have made it more nerdy would be if I had included footnote citations ala Chicago Manual of Style.  Hmm...come to think of it...

So it doesn't astonish me in the least that while I had every intention of maybe possibly going to the pub with a few friends who I hadn't yet asked, I ended up showering late, putting on some halfway-decent pub-appropriate clothing, then sitting down and turning on my computer.  With that last action, my plan for socialization with my peers flew out the metaphorical window.  Another quiet night in.

The reality is that while my peers (most of whom are younger than me by two or three years and many fresh out of high school) take Thirsty Thursday very seriously and party hard on Fridays as well, I am just not interested in that particular brand of fun.  Still, I tell myself that I should push myself to be with them, even for a little time here or there.  I should be sociable and allow myself to be included in their activities.  While I'm here, I should make the most of my experiences and enjoy spending time with the people around me.

But I happen to be particularly bad at following my own advice.

Quite frankly, I don't like drinking, smoking, loud music, and rambunctious frivolity.  If I am spending time with friends, I prefer board games and movies, popcorn and hot cocoa or lemonade (regardless of the season), swapping anecdotes and funny tales, and getting drunk on laughter and companionship.  And though I enjoy it, I don't want to be expected to dress up or wear makeup or be the least bit concerned about my hair.  If I do dress up and go out, it's more likely to go swing dancing or to a symphony concert than to a club.  That is not to suggest that my comrades on the Ulpan are constantly partying or superficial, but I recognize a definite difference in their personalities and mine as manifest in their preferred social activities versus my own.  Many of them are very nice and their vitality and love of life is often refreshing, but there is a point at which I long for the sort of calm, quiet amusement I've always been attracted to.

I'll admit, part of my disinterest in spending a lot of time with my classmates is this feeling of division between us - in age, maturity, goals, or position in life.  Because of my age and the American educational system and social structure, I am one of the only ones here who has been in a university and worked significantly in any job.  The fact that I am studying for a degree and teacher certification, am expected to pay for college primarily on my own, live on my own most months of the year, and work, distinguishes me from many of the other ulpanistim who have just recently graduated high school, live with their families, and haven't had the opportunity or expectation to have a job to this point.  This actually identifies a very interesting difference between America and many other countries.  I am discovering that in comparison to many European and South American cultures (if the students here are any representation of the cultures from which the emanate), Americans have an overwhelming sense of responsibility, ownership, and individuality instilled in them from a young age.  Throughout school we are taught how to learn, how to study, how to prepare for a life through and after high school, into college, and into the working fields.  Many of us are expected to start working part-time as soon as we're legally able to, and sometimes earlier if you get a baby-sitting gig.  Entrepreneurship, motivation, and success are - for some - three of the most common words in our vocabularies as we grow up.  And in some cases, our sense of esteem and worth is strongly correlated to our our success in school and work.  Really though, it seems that America's obsession with success is a little of an anomaly and may explain my obsessive and anal-retentive tendencies.

Or maybe I'm the anomaly.  Alright, so I know I'm more obsessive-compulsive than most, and I've been reprimanded on more than one occasion for being a little too anal or worrisome or concerned about trivial details.  (You'll be happy to know that Israel is, indeed, teaching me to chill.)  But am I really so much more mature than my fellow 21-year-olds?  Why is it that I don't usually enjoy myself with copious amounts of alcohol and loud music?  And is it really so odd that my idea of fun is more likely to involve a good book or a couple close friends than strangers and mixed drinks?

I suppose ultimately I should learn to trust myself and my own tendencies for what they are.  I can't expect myself to change just because my circumstances are different, nor should I try.  Maybe this is one bit of advice I should heed.

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P.S.  I wrote most of this entry while listening to Tchaikovsky.  Nerd cred.