Newsflash: Israel isn't paradise

For nearly five months I have regaled you all with stories of glorious experiences in this country, opportunities that I have sought or have seemingly been handed to me on a proverbial silver platter.  Between great food and kind strangers, breathtaking nature and a language that never ceases to amaze me, this experience has been better than I ever could have imagined.  But I don't want anyone to get the mistaken idea that Israel is a Gan Eden-esque paradise with people breaking into song on the streets (they're more likely to break out into arguments), so I present to you yet another list: Things I won't miss when I leave Israel (listed in no particular order).

Things I Won't Miss When I Leave Israel*

1. Bathrooms - I firmly believe Israelis have a lot of their priorities in order - artificial pleasantries low on the list while helping out a stranger is toward the top - but apparently bathrooms haven't even made it on the list.  Maybe I'm just a bathroom snob, but clean bathrooms are one of those little things in life I've learned to count on.  But with the exception of a few over-priced hostels, fancy restaurants, and private homes, good bathrooms in Israel are a rarity.   Especially in public transportation centers, usually they're small with disgusting floors, toilet seats that can give you hepatitis just by looking at them, and no hot water or soap in the sinks.  Toilet paper is a godsend, and believe it or not, sometimes you have to pay for these conditions!  Forget the shekel, where's the nearest bush?
2. Pickles - That's right, I will not miss the pickles.  More importantly, I am really looking forward to some good ol' Milwaukee's Baby Kosher Dill Pickles.  Apparently pickles here are traditionally made from small gherkins and pickled only in saltwater, and I just plum don't like them.  I must admit, I never thought I would actually miss pickles.
3. Intersections - I have yet to figure out exactly how intersections in Israel are engineered, but it makes getting to an opposite corner of a large intersection a time-consuming endeavor.  You see, in the middle of each major street there is a median, and on that median is a walk signal which means that on a single road you have to wait for two walk signals (and yes, you'd better wait for them if you're at all interested in making it to the other side).  If luck is with you both signals will be green at the same time, but otherwise, well, have fun waiting.
4. The Israeli concept of "waiting in line" - Rather, the nonexistent concept of "waiting in line."  You've heard me say that Israelis are impatient and nowhere is that demonstrated better than in any situation where you might expect people to wait in a line - ticket counters, getting onto a bus or train, getting food in the chadar ochel.  Once I had to buy a train ticket at the train station and there was one person in front of me and an old lady behind me.  The moment the person in front left, the 80-some-year-old lady cut in front of me then, mid-transaction, turned around and muttered an unapologetic "Slichah" (Forgive me).  I know that America may be full of false sincerity and superficial manners, but I kind of prefer that when it comes to queues.
5. Customer service - Again, this doesn't seem to rank high on Israeli's priority lists.  Besides, Israelis tend to show you exactly how they feel and if the girl behind the counter at the convenience store making minimum wage isn't interested in her job or her customers, she's not going to put on a smile just to make your Bisli-shopping experience a little more comfortable.  Unfortunately this mindset also extends to restaurants, shops, banks, phone companies, etc.  Oh gosh, could you even imagine the DMV?  The horror!
6. Tile floors - Whether it's because of the heat, the sand, or both, Israeli homes are devoid of carpeting.  Many people have area rugs, but the floors themselves are always tiled or made of some other cold, hard material.  Sure, it's reasonable, but I miss carpeting!  I miss walking around barefoot on fuzzy textures, and I miss not feeling sand under bare feet.  Israel, thumbs up for pragmatism, thumbs down for comfort.
7. Israeli bachurim - That is, guys about my age.  Cocky, over-confident, and ready and willing to hit on anything with a pulse.  I'll admit, the first couple times guys hit on me here I thought I was hot stuff, thinking "Wow!  He's interested in me? Well then, I'd better not turn this opportunity down!  Who knows when this will happen again?"  Turns out that if you're a girl under the age of 30, that opportunity can happen any time you're in public.  Case in point, a guy tried to get my number as I was getting into a taxi.  And it wasn't the taxi driver.  Furthermore, chivalry is utterly ignored here (probably because it doesn't get a guy very far with bullshit-intolerant Israeli women).
8. Ugly cities - Sure I enjoy the amenities of cities like Jerusalem, Haifa, and Tel Aviv, but to be quite honest, there are large portions of every major city that are just plain ugly.  Even the nice areas are replete with abandoned, crumbling buildings covered in graffiti.  It's one of the reasons I don't like spending time in the cities, though admittedly I've never been much of a city girl to begin with.  I've heard, though, that it's not entirely because of laziness to tear them down; apparently any time anyone does a construction project in Israel that would entail digging, there's a significant possibility they'll dig up something of historical or anthropological significance and when they do they have to stop construction, wait for someone to do an archaeological dig, then continue.  Like earlier this year when they were digging up a road in Jaffa and they found remnants of an ancient cistern or aqueduct.  It can end up being a waste of time and money, but that's the price you pay for living on ancient land.
9. Heat - Bet you didn't expect that one, eh?  I come from a cold state that celebrates sunny days and spends most of its year under cloud cover receiving some form of precipitation or another, so imagine my discomfort when in May all precipitation stopped and we were left with humid, boiling temperatures that will only get hotter as the summer rolls along.  Additionally the recommended amount of water per day is 3 liters at minimum, which if I were to even attempt would have me going to the bathroom a few times every hour.  Thank goodness for the lovely mazgan (air conditioner) found in most rooms.  But not all.
10. The incredible sadness that is missing my friends and family - Yeah, yeah, I'm getting sappy.  For as much as I love Israel and my time here, an 8-hour time difference and over 6,000 miles of distance makes for one very homesick traveler.  I have some friends I haven't had more than two conversations with since I've been here and some I haven't talked with at all.  And holidays are the worst because, as I've discovered, it's not where you celebrate, it's who you're with that makes it all worthwhile.  This is, and always will be, my greatest pull away from Israel.

So there we have it.  And y'know what?  This was a really challenging list to make and even required help from my roommate to come up with an even ten.  I can assure you, my list of things I will miss is significantly longer, but I'll save [some of] that for another time.  At least now you know Israel isn't entirely perfect.

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*I have deliberately ignored that whole "Our neighbors want to destroy us" issue.  It's not that I'm ignoring the elephant in the room, but that really it hasn't dampened my spirits while here.  Score one for carpe diem philosophy!